No, Just No
by Myathewolfeh
Summary: America and England are forced to share rooms at a world summit, but America's taste in music begins a comical (and hot) musical war. Epic fail sex with not-so-fitting music! USUK.


**Ladies, prepare for some panty-wetting~  
**

Warning: Crack, oral, fail sex, and some familiar pop hits.

Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine and neither are the songs mentioned. But the lolz, yeah, that's all me, bros.

* * *

**No, Just No**

Five… four… three… two…

The door burst open and banged against the wall. "Wazzup, England!"

Arthur sighed and set down his book in his lap. "I could hear you stomping all the way up the hallway, you great oaf. And be gentle with the doors. We have neighbors, you know."

Alfred rolled his eyes and practically threw his stuff on the floor, making more noise. "Dude, you're such a nag. If I wanted to hear someone bitch, I would've gotten married!"

Arthur scoffed. "As if. A certain amount of class is required to woo a woman. You have none, possibly receding into the negative numbers."

Alfred slammed the door shut and leaped onto the bed, scattering the pillows and making the frame creak. "Tch, now you sound like France. I bet you're a perv like him, too."

Arthur balked. "What! If you think I would _ever _be like that low-class, slimy, incorrigible—"

Alfred sighed loudly. "Damn, don't start. I need to get some sleep tonight and big words make my head hurt."

"I could make your head hurt a lot worse…" Arthur grumbled under his breath and sat his book up on his lap. "We may have been stuck together as roommates, but I'm going to lay down some ground rules."

Alfred rolled his eyes and pulled his bag over to him, digging inside it. "Oh, here we go. I'm listening."

"You are to stay on that side of the room unless you need to go to the toilet or if there is an emergency. The nightstand is the dividing line. For you _and _your belongings."

"Yeah," He pulled out his tablet and turned it on.

"You will be _very quiet_. I don't care what you do—scratch that, you will retain appropriate conduct while remaining silent. You will not disturb me for any reason except, again, in case of an emergency."

"Uh huh," He found his earphones and plugged them in.

"I know for a fact that I go to sleep earlier than you, so lights are out at nine."

Alfred shot him a shocked look. "What, bro, you got to bed at nine? Haha, that's, like, the time eight-year-old girls or super old farts that can't read the time anyway go to sleep, pfft."

Arthur ignored him and continued, "When I am asleep, I expect _silence_. You are not permitted to speak to me, throw things at me, touch me in any way, laugh, sneeze, cough, gag—"

"Uh, dude, I kinda can't help those last three. Especially the gagging part…"

"—make any sort of bodily noise or expulsion, listen to your music loudly, play your gameboy—"

"Haha, bro, we have officially moved out of the stone age. We have _nintendos _now."

"—with the volume turned up, talk on the phone, do anything that involves excessive light, and _do not_," Arthur specified with a glare. "wake me up before my alarm."

"And what time is your alarm set for?"

"Six,"

Alfred gaped. "In the _morning_?"

"Yes, in the morning, you dunce!" Arthur snapped.

"Artie, the meeting isn't until nine!"

"I like to have some early morning tea and read the paper, thank you very much!" Arthur bit back. "I actually like to be awake before I go to a summit. Unlike yourself! At least this will give you enough time to get ready before we leave instead of showing up ten minutes late like every meeting…"

"Hey!" Alfred protested. "I'm a heavy sleeper. I'm dead to the world until at least eleven!"

Arthur sighed. "Then rig a bloody blowhorn to go off at the appropriate time. We have the technology. Just ask Japan!"

"I tried!" Alfred insisted. "But every time I go over there he distracts me with food and anime porn!"

Arthur pointed an accusing finger at him. "Aha! So who's the pervert now, you sodding wanker?!"

"Japan's the pervert!" Alfred countered before taking out his tablet. "Ugh, my ears hurt now. Imma browse YouTube for a while."

"Fine," Arthur huffed and his eyes fell back to his book, picking up where he left off.

But not five minutes later, he heard Alfred's giggling. It was soft at first—before it became obnoxiously loud. He set down his book again and glared across the room at Alfred. "America, what did I say about being loud?"

Alfred didn't respond. Didn't give any indication that he'd heard him at all. He only guffawed again, his earphones in. Arthur steamed.

"Are you listening to me, whelp?!"

"BWHAHAHA! Grouchy cat, why you so grouchy?"

Arthur stared at him for a moment before huffing and grabbing his book. He got off the bed and stood, glaring directly at Alfred. "I'm going to the loo to escape your incessant noise pollution!" He would try to confront him, but then again, he didn't feel like being punched through a wall.

But Alfred's eyes remained trained on the screen. He laughed again. "Ah, this never gets old…" He began to type. "Someone should… pull her… catnips… haha, I'm a motherstuffin' genius! It'll be top comment in no time, hehe."

Arthur just stared, lamenting his shitty luck. _He speaks what he types? Holy hell, I'm never getting any sleep tonight…_

He walked into the bathroom and promptly closed the door. He stared solemnly down at the toilet. "So… it comes to this." He sighed and sat on the seat, determined to finish the chapter he was reading.

Despite being locked away in the bathroom and sitting on an uncomfortable toilet seat as opposed to a soft mattress (and although his neck hurt like fuck from looking down), Arthur was beginning to enjoy himself. He was reading a really good book and the plot had just taken a twist. Sure, he had read it hundreds of times over (can't beat the classics), but he liked knowing what would happen and making special note of the events that would lead up to the climax, analyzing them more than he had done before. He was just finishing another chapter when a familiar tune made him lose his focus.

It was slightly electronic, and then it picked up with an obviously synthetic drum…

_"As long as you love me~"_

Arthur sat straight up at that and glared daggers at the door. So deadly was his gaze he was surprised lazers didn't shoot from his eyes and burn through the wood. He didn't even bother bookmarking his page. He closed his book, set it on the counter, and threw open the door. Alfred, though, didn't notice him, too busy singing along with his tablet, the music blaring from his earphones.

_"I'm under pressure, seven billion people in the world—"_

"No," Arthur growled. "_No_, absolutely not. I will not suffer through this."

_"—trying to fit in. Keep it together~"_

"America, stop singing at once."

But Alfred was blissfully unaware of his rage. He just kept singing in a horribly flat voice, _"Smile on your face even though your heart is frowning—"_

"America, take your bloody earphones out and turn off that dreadful song!"

_"But hey now, don't know girl. We both know it's a cruel world~"_

"America!"

_"But I will take my chances~"_

Arthur ground his teeth. "Don't you dare contin—!"

_"As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke—"_

Arthur was marching over to his bed, practically stomping, but Alfred didn't hear or see him coming. _"As long as you love me, I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold._

_ "As long as l-l-lo—"_

"That is _it_!" Arthur shouted, snatching the tablet out of Alfred's hands and yanking the earphones out along with it.

"Ouch! What the fuck…? Artie? Hey, gimme back my tablet. If you wanted to use it, you should have asked first!" Alfred pouted, hands darting forward to grab it.

But Arthur held it out of his reach, glowering down at him. Alfred finally seemed to get it, shrinking back. That was the look he used to get as a colony after he'd done something bad that warned him he was going to get the belt.

Arthur stopped the video on the tablet and said, his voice sharp and venomous, "You _will not _be listening to this. As long as I am breathing and my hearing is half functioning, you will not be listening to bloody _Justin Bieber _in this hotel room, got it?"

Alfred gawked. "But, bro, JB is, like, the bomb—"

Arthur frowned. "No, he is absolutely not. Nor will he ever be 'the bomb.'"

Alfred looked as if Arthur had two heads. "Dude, have you been living underground for the last five years? JB's albums have gone _platinum_ and all the chicks of the world would give their tits to have his baby. Don't try to tell me he ain't a good singer."

"I'm telling you he isn't because it's _true_." Arthur tossed the tablet and earphones onto his own bed, far away from Alfred's grabbing hands, earning an annoyed 'Hey!' "Justin Bieber is a child star drunk on fame who makes money dishing out low-class, tastelessly electronically modified music seranading, among most of his fans, ten-year-old girls, encouraging inappropriate behavior among young women, and making an arse of himself in front of every cameraman to ever confront him."

Alfred blinked slowly (dumbly, more like) up at him. "Haha, I stopped listening after the first sentence, brah. Because you just sound _jealous_."

Arthur balked. "Jealous?!"

"Yeah huh," Alfred swung his legs over the side of his bed and smirked up at him, as if he had cornered him somehow. "Not everyone can have an awesome voice like him. I've known you for years, bro, and I'm gonna tell ya, your voice could never make panties wet like JB. After talking to you, chicks probably have to go home and empty their underwear of sand."

Arthur grimaced. "How crass! And offensive! I've been wetting panties since before you were even discovered, insolent brat!"

"Pssshhh," Alfred rolled his eyes. "Please. I bet even France would get an inverted boner if you tried to talk dirty to him."

"What!" Arthur was pissed now. "You—I—" Then he got an idea, and Alfred had an urge to crawl under the bed with the wickedly sinister expression that came across the Briton's face. Then, just as quickly, it was gone, replaced with a smile… a creepy smile. "Oh, so that's how it is, eh? Well, it doesn't surprise me that your taste in music is as disgusting as your taste in food." He walked back over to his side and fished his iPod out of his bag, scrolling to a particular song and turning it all the way up. "If you want proper panty-wetting music, listen to _this_." And he clicked play.

Alfred listened for a few seconds, and after only the first three notes he knew. "No…" he deadpanned in disbelief.

Arthur's smile widened. "Yes, and I'm going to sing it obnoxiously loud, just for you." Then the singer began and Arthur began with him, _"You're insecure, don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or~"_

Alfred's eyes widened and he covered his ears. "Not listening! LALALALALALA!"

_"Don't need make-up to cover up. Being the way that you are is eno-o-ugh~" _He walked up to Alfred and sang louder. _"Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you~"_

Alfred's eyes shot open and he lunged, intending to snatch the iPod right of out his hand. "You better not—!"

But Arthur jumped out of the way just in time and retreated across the room, his voice rising in decibel, _"Baby you light up my world like nobody else~"_

Alfred leaped to his feet, rushing at Arthur like an angry bull. "Stop singing that shit!"

Arthur ran away from him to stand behind his bed, now dancing. Well, if you could even _call _it dancing. But whatever. It annoyed the hell out of Alfred. _"The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell~"_

Alfred rushed at him like a freight train, and Arthur yelped, leaping onto the bed before Alfred could get him, jumping down on the other side and singing, _"You don't know, oh, oh~"_

Alfred's nostrils were flaring. He was _pissed_. Ever since that song had come out, it had been plaguing every radio station until Alfred couldn't escape it, was stuck humming it in the shower or waking up to it when his alarm went off, or hearing it over the speakers in a shopping mall. The song fucking drove him crazy because it was so damn catchy. And just when he had gotten it out of his head to be replaced with the angelic voice ot Justin Bieber, here comes Arthur again pounding fucking _One Direction_ it into his skull. He made one more desperate grab for the iPod, but ended up slipping and falling facedown onto the bed. Arthur moved fast for an old guy.

Arthur laughed and leaned in, singing, _"You don't know you're beautiful~"_ He ran over to Alfred's bed before the other could recover and jumped on it. _"If only you saw what I can see, you'd understand why I want you so desperately~"_

Alfred frowned. "Oh, it's gonna be like this, huh? Well," Arthur stopped singing to watch Alfred slip out his phone from his pocket, searching for a minute before finding a video that was actually available on his phone, and turning it up. _"As long as you l-l-love me, love me~"_

Arthur's eye twitched, but he kept singing, albeit more shakily. _"Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe, you don't know oh, oh~"_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me~" _

_"That's what makes you beautiful~"_

Then, in a flash, they both paused the songs at the same time and shouted, "Stop singing that!"

"No, _you_ stop!" Arthur bitched. "You're the one who started singing that damn terrible song!"

"Well _you're _the one who continued it!" Alfred bit back. "Everyone knows that One Direction is gay as fuck. Just look at 'NSync. At least one of them came out. It's only a matter of time before they're wetting boxers instead of panties!"

"Just because they sing about _chaste _love doesn't mean they're gay!" Arthur snapped.

Alfred rolled his eyes. "I guess that's why you have them on your iPod. 'Cause you like dick, haha."

Arthur sputtered. "M-my sexuality will not be the subject of this conversation. It's none of your damn business! Stop sticking your nose up everyone's arse for once! And why do you listen to _Justin Bieber _anyway?"

Alfred snorted, as if the answer was the most obvious in the world. "'Cause he doesn't need a whole sausage fest to help him sing a song and sing it awesomely, duh!"

Arthur scoffed. "There is only one of him. At least there are more guys to choose from in One Direction. And not one of them is as idiotic as your Justin Bieber!"

"Yeah huh. They're totally having buttsecks."

"What?!"

"Backstage. I can see it now." Alfred swept his arm dramatically in front of him, hand raised. He cleared his throat and said in a horribly-accented, high-pitched voice, "'Oh, hello mate, that last song was jolly banging, let me slip my toad in your hole and we can do some banging ourselves. Pip pip, cheerio!'"

Arthur gaped. "Th-that is not how they talk!"

"See? Right there." Alfred ignored him and laughed. "Panty sand!"

Arthur glared. "Why you little—" He pushed play again. _"So c-come on. You got it wrong. To prove I'm right, I put it in a so-o-ng~"_

"Ah!" Alfred yelled before pushing play on his phone and singing, _"I'll be your soldier, fighting every second of the day for your dreams girl~"_

Arthur jumped off the bed and stalked over to him, glowering. _"I don't know why you're being shy and turn away when I look into your eye-eye-eyes~"_

_ "I'll be your Hova, you can be my Destiny's Child on a scene, girl~" _Alfred approached him in the same manner, pissed off to no end.

_"Everyone else in the room can see it~"_

Toe-to-toe now.

_"So don't stress, don't cry. We don't need no wings to fly~"_

Nose-to-nose now.

_"Everyone else but you~"_

_ "Just take my hand~"_

Arthur didn't know what made him do it, but he dropped his iPod and grabbed Alfred's face, smashing their lips together. He could hear the _thump _of Alfred's phone leaving his hand and hitting the floor, and he felt hands grip his hips, and, suddenly, he was pressed into a mattress, Alfred hovering over him. Their lips met again.

"Why… am I… so… aroused?" Arthur asked between kisses.

Alfred drew back and gave a triumphant smile. "It's the power of Justin Bieber!" he declared.

Arthur frowned, unimpressed. "Shut up, you git." And he seized his lips again. His hand slithered between them and cupped Alfred's swelling cock through his pants. "Hmm, who's wetting their boxers now?"

"Shut up before I get a sandstorm around my junk."

_"Baby you light up my world like nobody else."_

_ "As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke."_

Alfred's lips trailed down to Arthur's neck while he fumbled with the button on the Briton's pants. Arthur dug his fingers into Alfred's hair. "This is… weird."

Alfred drew back and removed his glasses. "What?" He followed Arthur's gaze to the floor between the beds.

_"The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed."_

_ "As long as you love me I'll be your silver, I'll be your platinum, I'll be your gold."_

Alfred turned back to him and shrugged. "It's mood music. Heh," he laughed. "Can I be your gold, Artie?"

Arthur blushed a bit and pinched Alfred's ear, earning an 'Ouch!' "Get to it,"

The rest was a heated blur of removing clothes and touches and kisses before they were both lying skin-to-skin. Alfred attacked his mouth, tongue delving in for a taste. Arthur eagerly accepted, arms wrapping around him, grinding into the thigh between his legs.

_"The way you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell."_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me."_

Alfred released Arthur's mouth, enjoying the little pants the Briton was emitting, moving down his body, his tongue trailing after his hands. Feather-light touches raised bumps on Arthur's skin and Alfred trailed down his chest to arrive at a nipple, teasing it to hardness before covering it with his mouth and suckling it. Arthur moaned and rolled his hips more urgently against him. Alfred giggled and Arthur shivered when Alfred's mouth left him, his saliva-drenched nub exposed to the cold. He glared irritably down at him.

"What can you possibly be laughing about?"

"Hehe," Alfred giggled. "Catnips,"

Arthur gave him and unamused look before pressing his head back down to his chest. "Stupid yank,"

_"You don't know oh, oh."_

_ "I don't know if this makes sense, but you're my hallelujah."_

Alfred recovered from his nose being practically smashed against Arthur and bit down. Arthur arched and gasped. Alfred giggled again and moved to the other.

_"You don't know you're beautiful."_

_ "Give me a time and a place, and I'll rendezvous, I'll fly you to it."_

Suddenly Arthur stopped moaning and he wasn't rubbing against Alfred anymore. Alfred peered up, confused. "Dude, you're not seriously going soft on me now?"

Arthur _tsk_ed. "No. French words make me… inverted."

He was a little disappointed when Alfred stopped teasing him, but he was just as quickly excited when he moved further south, lifting his hips. "Well, I'll just have to fix that." And he took Arthur into his mouth.

_"If only you saw what I could see."_

_ "I'll beat you there. Girl you know I got you."_

Arthur moaned and thrust his hips, catching Alfred off guard and plunging his dick down his throat. Alfred quickly pushed his hips back down and pulled Arthur's cock out of his mouth, coughing.

"I said no coughing!" Arthur snapped, impatient.

"Jeez, give me a fucking minute to adjust will ya?"

_"You'll understand why I want you so desperately."_

_ "Us, trust, a couple of things I can't spell without 'U'."_

Arthur scoffed and Alfred paused going down on his cock. "What is it now?"

"This rap is so cheesy…"

"Ignore it, then." Alfred said and took Arthur into his mouth.

_"Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe you don't know, oh, oh,"_

_ "Now we are on top of the world, 'cause that's just how we do."_

Arthur's fingers curled in Alfred's hair as the younger nation went down on him. He struggled not to thrust his hips and bury his cock all the way down his throat, but he didn't have to wait long. Alfred slowly, _slowly _swallowed him whole. When Alfred's nose was nestled in his pubes, he shuddered.

_"You don't know you're beautiful."_

_ "Used to tell me, 'Sky's the limit', now the sky's our point of view (view)."_

Alfred relaxed his throat and got used to Arthur's cock being there before pulling back. He gave the head a couple of generous licks before going down on him again. Arthur fisted the sheets and squirmed. "Ah, A-America~"

_"But that's what makes you beautiful."_

_ "Man, now we stepping out like, 'Whoa' (Whoa). Cameras point and shoot (shoot)."_

Alfred giggled again and pulled off. "Bwahaha, he said 'shoot'! _Twice_!"

"Dammit, America." Arthur snapped, reaching down and seizing the younger nation's erect cock in his hand. Alfred groaned in surprise and Arthur gave it a few slow pumps. "Keep focused and get your cock in me."

"Hahaha!" Alfred laughed triumphantly. "Artie likes dick~!"

"Shut it, brat!"

_"Na-nanana, na-nana, na-na, na,"_

_ "Ask me what's my best side. I stand back and point at you."_

"Lube?"

"No," Arthur said impatiently. "Spit, for fuck's sake. Just use your spit!"

"Okay, okay, jeez!" Alfred spat into his hand and Arthur tried not to look.

_"Na-nanana, na-na,"_

_ "You, you the one that I argue with. I feel like I need a new girl to be bothered with."_

"Ugh,"

"What?"

"Nothing." Arthur said with a hopeless sigh. "Just trying not to think about what you might have eaten in the last few hours the remnants of which is going into my arse."

Alfred frowned. "Dude, do you want me to fuck you or not? 'Cause by now I could make a sandcastle down the—"

Arthur reached down and snatched up his wrist, roughly bending his fingers down until just two remained upright. Alfred yelped as his digits were bent painfully and blinked at Arthur. "Both at once?"

"Don't question, just do it!"

"All right already!"

_"Na-nanana, na-nana, na-na, na,"_

_ "But the grass ain't always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it."_

Arthur huffed. "This rap is turning me off. Now I'm thinking about my begonias…"

"Oh no you don't!" Alfred said and seized Arthur's cock, stroking it to maintain the hardness while he poked at Arthur's entrance. "This is no time to worry about your begoonies!"

Arthur sighed. "I can't believe I'm letting you fuck me…"

"What was that, brah?"

"Nothing, git, just stretch me already!"

_"Na-nanana, na-na,"_

_ "So I know we got issues baby, true, true, true. But I'd rather work on this with you._

_ "Then go ahead and start with someone new, as long as you love me."_

Arthur winced as Alfred breached him rather roughly. "H-hey! Careful down there. Those are my insides you're scraping!"

"Pfft," Alfred laughed. "Dude, you're such a pussy. Haha, get it? Pussy, 'cause that's what girls have and they always bitch that it hurts. I'm punny."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"Hmm… nope, haha!" And he pushed the fingers all the way in to the knuckle, scissoring him.

_"Baby you light up my world like nobody else."_

_ "As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke."_

Arthur would have been completely soft if it wasn't for Alfred rapidly fisting his cock—as he was just plowing heedlessly through his ass with his fingers like a bulldozer—and soon he felt as if he would come. "Stop," he panted. "G-get your fingers out of me. I'm plenty ready."

Alfred yanked his fingers out of him rather discourteously and Arthur arched, grunting in pain. The American beamed. "Fuck yeah! I am getting laid _to_-night!"

Arthur frowned. "Not if you don't _hurry up and fuck me_."

"I'm gettin' laid tonight, yeah, yeah~" he sang as he lined himself up.

"You're singing. You can't be serious…" Arthur deadpanned.

_"The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed."_

_ "As long as you love me, I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold."_

Arthur suddenly remembered something, looking down. "Eh, Alfred, don't you have any condo—"

"Imma get laid tonight, whoohoo~! Suck it, France, I _can_ get a fuck!"

"What? Wait, Alfred, I really don't want to have to clean up—"

"Grouchy cat would be proud." Alfred declared in adoration. "She might actually smile. Holy shit, I'd be the one to make grouchy cat smile! Or whatever cats do, hehe."

"Alfred, I—"

"In she goes~" Alfred said before burying himself in Arthur to the hilt. "Or, I guess it's a he. He's my little man. Get it?"

_"But the way you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell."_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me."_

Arthur fumed, his ass pulsing with pain. "America, you fucking knobhead! You can't just go all the way in like that!"

Alfred scoffed. "Uh, yeah, I can. 'Cause I'm all the way in, duh."

"That's not what I meant, git." Arthur ground out through his teeth. "You'll tear something going in that fast. You have to take it slow, make it sensual…"

"Pfft, haha!" Alfred laughed. "You sound like France! No way—ain't nobody got time for that! Haha, I did a Sweet Brown impression. Ya get it? 'Cause thurr's a fiurrr in ma balls! Haha, I did it again!"

Arthur frowned. "You didn't even put on a condom."

"Dude," Alfred said as if he was an expert. "I don't carry condoms. They take away all the feeling!"

Arthur steamed. "But I'm the one you're fucking. You should at least give some consideration to what _I _want!"

"Pfft, now you just sound selfish."

_"You don't know, oh, oh. You don't know you're beautiful."_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me."_

Arthur decided it wasn't worth arguing with Alfred if he ever wanted to get anything out of this fuck—which was mostly a lesson to _never _let Alfred fuck him again unless he was thoroughly muzzled beforehand. So he just let Alfred pound into him as he wished, trying to adjust so that Alfred could at least come close to hitting his prostate. He shifted a little and screamed, Alfred's cock slamming against his sweet spot. Alfred looked up and Arthur covered his mouth with his hand.

Alfred leered. "Oh, is that it?" He hit it again. Arthur whimpered. "I'll take that as a yes."

_"Baby you light up my world like nobody else."_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me."_

Alfred was thrusting into him so hard that Arthur was forced to remove his hand from his mouth to hold onto the bed to keep from being slammed into the headboard as it pounded against the wall. Alfred drew back and threw Arthur's legs over his shoulders, driving his cock deeper than before and rutting it against Arthur's prostate with bruising force.

"Ah, unh, uh, yes, yes," Arthur moaned. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!"

"Imma get laid tonight~!"

"Shut. Up!"

_"The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed."_

_ "As long as you l-l-love me, love me."_

"A-America," Arthur got out between thrusts and pants. "America, pull out before you, u-uh, c-come."

"Yeah, unf," Alfred groaned as he plowed into him. "Hey, Artie, I'm stickin' my toad in your hole, haha!"

Arthur grimaced. That was an image he did not need to see. Now he would never look at the meal the same way again. "S-stop t-talking, git."

_"But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell. You don't know, oh, oh, you don't know you're beautiful."_

_ "As long as you love me."_

"I know it turns you on, brah!" Alfred said, but Arthur was too aroused to reply. He lifted his hips into the onslaught, his ass on fire from the rough fucking, but he was loving it. If only Alfred would shut up and…

"T-touch my cock." Arthur pleaded. "America—"

"Damn, you're needy." Alfred said with annoyance and took hold of his cock, pumping it in time with his thrusts just a little too roughly.

"O-oh, yes," Arthur moaned, hips rolling upward at a feverish pace. "Y-yes, America, yes!"

_"If only you saw what I could see, you'll understand why I want you so desperately."_

_ "As long as you love me."_

"Oh fuck, unh, G-God, America."

"Imma get laaaaaaiiiiiid~!"

_"Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe you don't know, oh, oh. You don't know you're beautiful."_

_ "As long as you love me."_

"A-America, pull out, ah, uh, r-remember to—"

"Yo ass is gonna be sore tomorrow, haha!"

_"You don't know you're beautiful_

_ "But that's what makes you beautiful."_

"I'm c-c-coming, coming~!" Alfred sang out. In his awesomely heroic voice. That sounded like JB and possibly just wetted a lot of panties.

"A-America n-no, wait, unh, America~!"

Just as Arthur was spilling himself onto his stomach, he felt Alfred throbbing inside of him. All he could do was lay there as he felt himself being slowly filled with the younger nation's hot seed. Afterward, Alfred's full weight fell onto him, and Arthur gasped.

"G-get off me, you git! You're crushing my ribs!"

"Oh… haha," Alfred backed himself off of him and pulled out, collapsing on his back into the pillows beside him. "That was great. Yeah-ha-ha, I just got laid. Booyah! Wow, it's been a while. I came _a lot_."

Arthur sat up to examine himself. He was covered with his own cum and Alfred's was starting to dribble out of his ass and onto the bed. _His _bed. Great. "I can tell," he deadpanned. "You didn't pull out like I asked, you deaf sod."

Alfed waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Ah, quit bitching. Go have one of your post-sex cancer sticks or whatever."

Arthur glowered. "You—!"

… A song started to play.

Alfred's brow furrowed. "What the hell is that?"

"I must have pressed 'shuffle' on my iPod by accident." Arthur said, then he recognized the tune and practically leaped over Alfred to snatch it off the floor. But Alfred caught him before he could.

"L-let go of me, you twit!"

"Why're you squirming so much? I just wanna hear what kind of music you listen to!"

_"Well I'm upper upper class high society, God's gift to ballroom notoriety. And I always fill my ballroom, the event is never small."_

Arthur flailed desperately. "Let go of me! Get off, now!"

But Alfred was way stronger and it wasn't hard for him to keep a hold on Arthur. "Yo, chill. I just wanna listen till the chorus."

_"The social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all."_

Arthur stopped struggling to blush. He covered his face with his hands. "God, someone kill me, please, please, kill me _now_." Alfred couldn't find out about this. He would tell everyone else as soon as he could get!

_"I've got big balls, I've got big balls. They're such big balls and they're dirty big balls. And he's got big balls and she's got big balls. (But we've got the biggest balls of them all)."_

Alfred smirked. "Ohoho, look who's the perv now. France would be proud."

Arthur turned to look at him, snapping, "You're not going to tell him!"

"Yup," Alfred said and Arthur blanched. "And Imma tell him you sang it to me while I was gettin' laid~"

Arthur gawked. "Y-you wouldn't!"

"I'm totally doing it!"

Alfred let go of Arthur to dive down in search of his iPod. "Oh no, you don't, wanker!" Arthur said, diving after him, but Alfred got to it first and leaped to his feet, bounding over to the other bed and jumping on it in all his (awesome) naked glory. "I thought you said you would listen to it only until the chorus!" Arthur snapped irritably.

Alfred laughed, hopping from foot to foot. "Well, yeah, but I'm kinda liking this tune, haha!"

"You liar! You just want to humiliate me!"

_ "My balls are always bouncing, my ballroom's always full."_

Arthur ran over to him. "Give that back, git! You're going to break it!"

"Haha, nope! I don't know about you, but _my _balls are bouncing! Hehe, get it? 'Cause I'm jumping on the bed!"

"I'm going to bloody _break _your balls, you little sod!" Arthur shouted jumping onto the bed himself and scrapping with Alfred over the device.

_"And everybody cums and cums again if your name is on the guest list. No one can take you higher. Everybody says I've got great balls of fire."_

And all the while, Matthew stood in the corner, clutching his bear, miserably invisible.

"Everyone forgets that Justin Bieber is Canadian, eh." Matthew said to himself. "I-I can't believe I just watched that and got hard from it. I feel like France, eh."

_"I've got big balls, oh I've got big balls. And they're such big balls, dirty big balls. And he's got big balls and she's got big balls (but we've got the biggest balls of them all)."_

"I was the one who was supposed to be sharing a room with England." Matthew continued talking to himself. It helped him feel better since he really had no one else to talk to. "I called here to book one, but it seems they didn't fit me in. Guess I should have taken the dial tone on the other end as a sign they couldn't hear me."

_"Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress. But when they're held for pleasure, they're the balls that I like the best."_

"Those jerks," Matthew lamented. "They can't even see me. I'll get those assholes one day. Maple power!"

_"My balls are always bouncing, to the left and to the right."_

Kumajirou looked up at him. "Who are you?"

_ "It's my belief that my big balls should be held every night."_

Matthew sighed. "I'm… screwed."

**End**

* * *

A Word From the Writer: Just to avoid copyright infringement for the lyrics, I will inform you that the songs used here were "As Long As You Love Me" by Justin Bieber, "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction, and "Big Balls" by AC/DC.

I just had to make this. You know, just to cut through all the drama I've been writing with _Standing at the Edge of the World _lately. Thank fuck Justin Bieber is Canadian. America doesn't need anything else to add to its bad reputation. I don't like JB or 1D (though some of their songs may be annoyingly catchy), but I love AC/DC and thought it fitting to include them… and their big balls, their dirty big balls. X'D


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